小我和名聲

眾所周知的“攀親帶故”（namedropping）現(xiàn)象（就是不經(jīng)意地提到你認(rèn)識(shí)某某人）；是小我用來(lái)在他人和自己眼中獲取優(yōu)越身份感的策略；這種優(yōu)越感是來(lái)自于與某位“重要人士”的牽連。在這個(gè)世界上；成名的害處就是你的本質(zhì)（whoyouare）會(huì)完全地被一個(gè)集體的心理形象（collectivementalimage）所掩蓋。

大部分碰到你的人；都想經(jīng)由與你的交往來(lái)強(qiáng)化他們的身份——也就是他們心理形象中的自己（who they are）。他們自己可能都不知道；他們其實(shí)對(duì)你一點(diǎn)興趣也沒(méi)有；只是想最終借由你來(lái)增強(qiáng)他們虛構(gòu)的自我感。他們相信經(jīng)由你；他們可以成為更多。他們是在利用你成就自己；或者這樣說(shuō)：他們眼中的你；只是那個(gè)名人的心理形象；一個(gè)超現(xiàn)實(shí)的、集體概念上的身份（collective conceptual    identity）。

對(duì)于名氣荒謬的過(guò)度推崇；只是小我在這個(gè)世界上眾多瘋狂表現(xiàn)的一種。有些名人犯了同樣的錯(cuò)誤而與集體幻相產(chǎn)生認(rèn)同；這個(gè)幻相也就是人們和媒體為這些名人創(chuàng)造的形象；而他們也真的開(kāi)始覺(jué)得自命不凡、高人一等。結(jié)果；他們與自己以及他人的距離愈來(lái)愈遙遠(yuǎn)；愈來(lái)愈不快樂(lè)；愈來(lái)愈依賴持續(xù)不墜的知名度。圍繞在他們四周的；只有那些能夠豢養(yǎng)膨脹他們自我形象的人們；因此；這些名人無(wú)法擁有真正知心的人際關(guān)系。

愛(ài)因斯坦是眾人所仰慕的超凡之人；也是命定該成為世上最有名的人之一；但是他從來(lái)不和集體心智為他所創(chuàng)造的形象產(chǎn)生認(rèn)同。他還是非常謙虛；沒(méi)有小我。事實(shí)上；他說(shuō)過(guò)：“人們對(duì)于我的成就和能力以及我真正的本質(zhì)和能力之間；有著可笑的矛盾。”這就是為什么有名的人很難與他人建立真誠(chéng)的關(guān)系。

真誠(chéng)的關(guān)系是不會(huì)被小我的形象制造和自我追尋而操控的。在真誠(chéng)的關(guān)系中；應(yīng)該有開(kāi)放、警覺(jué)的注意力（alert attention）自然地流向?qū)Ψ?；而在其中沒(méi)有任何形式的需索。那種警覺(jué)的注意力就是臨在。它是任何真誠(chéng)關(guān)系的必要條件。小我要不就是一直在索求什么；要不就是如果它認(rèn)為從對(duì)方身上已經(jīng)得不到什么了；就會(huì)處在一個(gè)很明顯的冷漠狀態(tài)：它根本不在乎你。因此；在小我關(guān)系中最主要的三個(gè)狀態(tài)就是：需索；受挫的需索（憤怒、怨恨、責(zé)怪、抱怨）以及漠不關(guān)心。

EGO AND FAME

The well-known phenomenon of “name dropping,” the casual mention of who you know, is part of the ego's strategy of gaining a superior identity in the eyes of others and therefore in its own eyes through association with

someone “important.” The bane of being famous in this world is that who you are becomes totally obscured by a collective mental image. Most people you meet want to enhance their identity – the mental image of who they are – through association with you. They themselves may not know that they are not interested in you at all but only in strengthening their ultimately fictitious sense of self. They believe that through you they can be more. They are looking to complete themselves through you, or rather through the mental image they have of you as a famous person, a larger-than-life collective conceptual identity.

The absurd over-valuation of fame is just one of the many manifestations of egoic madness in our world. Some famous people fall into the same error and identify with the collective fiction, the image people and the media have created of them, and they begin to actually see themselves as superior to ordinary mortals. As a result, they become more and more alienated from themselves and others, more and more unhappy, more and more dependent on their continuing popularity. Surrounded only by people who feed their inflated self-image, they become incapable of genuine relationships.

Albert Einstein, who was admired as almost superhuman and whose fate it was to become one of the most famous people on the planet, never identified with the image the collective mind had created of him. He remained humble, egoless. In fact, he spoke of “a grotesque contradiction between what people consider to be my achievements and abilities and the reality of who I am and what I am capable of.”5

This is why it is hard for a famous person to be in a genuine relationship with others. A genuine relationship is one that is not dominated by the ego with its image-making and self-seeking. In a genuine relationship, there is an outward flow of open, alert attention toward the other person in which there is no wanting whatsoever. That alert attention is Presence. It is the prerequisite of any authentic relationship. The ego always either wants something, or if it believes there is nothing to get from the other, it is in a state of utter indifference: It doesn't care about you. And so, the three predominant states of egoic relationship are: wanting, thwarted wanting (anger, resentment, blaming, complaining), and indifference.