夫妻之間的背叛，會(huì)帶來(lái)嚴(yán)重的感情創(chuàng)傷，但出軌不一定就意味著婚姻走到了盡頭。

了解如何與另一半冰釋前嫌，此刻便顯得尤為重要了。

By Mayo Clinic staff

作者 梅約診所工作人員

Few marital problems cause as much heartache and devastation as infidelity. Money worries, health issues and disagreements about children can strain a relationship — but infidelity undermines the foundation of marriage itself. Divorce isn't necessarily inevitable after infidelity, however. With time to heal and a mutual goal of rebuilding the relationship, some couples emerge from infidelity with a stronger and more honest relationship than before.

很少有婚姻問(wèn)題，能像出軌那樣，對(duì)感情產(chǎn)生近乎毀滅性的打擊。資金的短缺，身體的抱恙以及與子女間的分歧，均會(huì)使一段關(guān)系變得緊張——然而，出軌破壞的是婚姻的“根基”。出軌后，離婚也并非不可避免。因?yàn)殡S著時(shí)間的流逝，傷口會(huì)慢慢愈合。在重建夫妻關(guān)系的共同愿望下，很多人跨過(guò)了心里的那道坎，他們也比當(dāng)初更加珍惜這段感情。

Defining infidelity

——對(duì)出軌的定義

Infidelity isn't a single, clearly defined situation — and what's considered infidelity varies among couples and even between partners in a relationship. What may be acceptable for some couples may be unacceptable for others. Similarly, what's tolerable for one partner in a relationship may be intolerable for the other. For example, is it infidelity if your partner is attracted to someone else but doesn't act on it? Is an emotional connection without physical intimacy considered infidelity? What about online relationships?

具體什么算出軌，并沒(méi)有唯一確切的定義。情侶與情侶之間，甚至夫妻之間，他們的答案都會(huì)有所不同。一對(duì)夫妻能接受的行為，換成另一對(duì)，就未必能被接受。同樣的道理，一對(duì)夫妻所能忍受的，另一對(duì)可能就無(wú)法忍受。例如，你的伴侶被其他的異性所吸引，但并沒(méi)有亂獻(xiàn)殷勤，這算是一種出軌嗎？沒(méi)有“出賣”肉體的情感聯(lián)系，這是出軌嗎？網(wǎng)上的曖昧，是出軌嗎？

Many factors can contribute to infidelity, from low self-esteem or discontent with the marriage to addiction to sex, love or romance. Generally, a person who's having an affair:

很多因素能導(dǎo)致出軌：自卑心理，或者是對(duì)婚姻和性生活的不滿。通常，一個(gè)有外遇的人：

Experiences a strong sexual attraction to someone other than his or her partner

●他/她著迷于某位異性，而這個(gè)人并非他/她的配偶。

Keeps the relationship a secret, often resorting to lies and deception

●他/她想方設(shè)法編織謊言，對(duì)這層關(guān)系進(jìn)行保密。

Feels a stronger emotional connection to the person with whom he or she is having an affair than to his or her partner

●他/她對(duì)“外遇對(duì)象”有更強(qiáng)烈的愛(ài)慕之情。

Discovering an affair

——“丑事”被揭

The initial discovery of an affair can trigger a range of powerful emotions for both partners — shock, rage, shame, depression, guilt, remorse. You may cycle through all of these emotions many times in a single day, one minute vowing to end the marriage and the next wanting desperately to save it. At this point, it's important to take one step at a time:

外遇首次被揭發(fā)時(shí)，夫妻雙方會(huì)在情緒上產(chǎn)生極大的波動(dòng)，往往表現(xiàn)出激動(dòng)，憤怒，羞愧，沮喪，內(nèi)疚或是自責(zé)。這些情緒，往往會(huì)在短短一天的時(shí)間里，循環(huán)往復(fù)地出現(xiàn)。一分鐘前還誓言要結(jié)束這段婚姻，可能一分鐘以后又極力地想要挽回。這個(gè)時(shí)候，循序漸進(jìn)就顯得尤為重要了。

Give each other space. The discovery of an affair can be intense. It's often helpful to take a "timeout" when emotions are running high.

●給予彼此足夠的空間

外遇剛被發(fā)現(xiàn)的時(shí)候，人們往往會(huì)表現(xiàn)得有一些失控，這個(gè)時(shí)候，“暫停”一下，是十分有幫助的。

Seek support. Share your feelings with trusted friends and loved ones or a spiritual leader or counselor. Objective, nonjudgmental support can help you clarify what you're feeling and put the affair into perspective.

●尋求支援

把心里話講給你最信賴的朋友和親人聽(tīng)，或是與情感咨詢師深入交流?？陀^的建議，不僅可以使你更好地澄清難言的苦衷，并且能幫你看得更遠(yuǎn)。

Take your time. Avoid delving into the intimate details of the affair right away. Take time to absorb the situation, postponing any discussions with your partner until you can have a constructive conversation.

●別著急

避免立刻就將出軌的細(xì)節(jié)抖露出來(lái)，花點(diǎn)時(shí)間適應(yīng)整理這樣的局面，在能夠進(jìn)行積極對(duì)話之前，推遲和你伴侶的一切爭(zhēng)執(zhí)。

Mending a broken marriage

——婚姻的修補(bǔ)

Recovering from an affair is a difficult and ongoing process. Still, it's possible to survive an affair. Consider these steps to promote healing:

從“外遇事件”中恢復(fù)，是一個(gè)艱難而又漫長(zhǎng)的過(guò)程。但是，救回這段感情也并非不可能。按以下幾個(gè)步驟行動(dòng)，可以加快“傷口”的愈合：

Be accountable. If you were unfaithful, take responsibility for your actions. End the affair, and stop all interaction or communication with the person.

●勇于承擔(dān)

如果你當(dāng)真做了對(duì)不起另一半的事情，就要對(duì)自己的行為負(fù)責(zé)。立馬結(jié)束“緋聞”，終止與那個(gè)人的任何聯(lián)系。

Be honest. Once the initial shock is over, discuss what happened openly and honestly — no matter how difficult talking or hearing about the affair may be.

●誠(chéng)實(shí)坦白

愛(ài)人怒氣平息之后，不管事情如何地難以啟齒，也要將其坦承。

Consider shared goals. It may take time to sort out what's happened and to consider whether your relationship can heal. If you share a goal of reconciliation, realize that recovering the marriage will take time, energy and commitment.

●考慮你們共同的期望值

這可能需要花費(fèi)一些時(shí)間，去梳理過(guò)去發(fā)生的事以及考慮復(fù)合的可能性。如果最終雙方都同意和解，你也應(yīng)該要明白，恢復(fù)的過(guò)程是需要投入時(shí)間還有精力的。

Consult a marriage counselor. Seek help from a licensed counselor who's trained in marital therapy and experienced in dealing with infidelity. Marriage counseling can help you put the affair into perspective, identify issues that may have contributed to the affair, learn how to rebuild and strengthen your relationship, and avoid divorce — if that's the mutual goal.

●咨詢婚姻顧問(wèn)

向那些受過(guò)專業(yè)訓(xùn)練、有解決出軌問(wèn)題經(jīng)驗(yàn)以及有營(yíng)業(yè)執(zhí)照的婚姻咨詢師尋求幫助。婚姻咨詢師可以幫你把眼光瞄得更遠(yuǎn)，

Restore trust. Go to counseling together to confirm your commitment to the marriage and to prevent secrecy from continuing to erode your relationship. If you were unfaithful, you may be anxious to put the affair behind you and move forward — but it's important to let your partner set his or her own timetable for recovery.

●重建信任

你們可以一起去找咨詢師，堅(jiān)定彼此對(duì)婚姻的承諾，以防各自的那些秘密，再來(lái)侵蝕你們的關(guān)系。如果是你出的軌，在改善彼此關(guān)系的過(guò)程中，你可能會(huì)因?yàn)閮?nèi)心的愧疚感而變得焦慮不安，但是，你也應(yīng)該明白，讓另一半按照自己的進(jìn)度去解開(kāi)心結(jié)，才是最重要的。

Forgive. Infidelity is emotionally devastating. Forgiveness isn't likely to come quickly or easily, but it may become easier over time.

●原諒對(duì)方。

出軌，往往會(huì)導(dǎo)致受傷害的一方情緒失控。所以，想要在短時(shí)間內(nèi)得到原諒是不現(xiàn)實(shí)的，但是隨著時(shí)間的流逝，得到諒解會(huì)變得容易些。

Moving forward

——展望你們的未來(lái)

Not every marriage affected by infidelity can — or should — be saved. Sometimes too much damage has been done or reconciliation remains elusive. However, if both of you are committed to rebuilding your relationship and you have the strength and determination for the task, the reward may be a partnership that grows in depth, honesty and intimacy.

并非所有受到出軌影響的婚姻，都能夠或者應(yīng)該被挽回。有時(shí)候，因?yàn)閭谔?，已?jīng)到了很難挽回的地步。然而，如果兩個(gè)人都能全身心地投入到關(guān)系的重建，有決心，有毅力，付出的努力就會(huì)得到回報(bào)，你們的感情也因此得到了升華。