Social scientists have observed that marriages typically move through a series of at least four stages. Each stage presents unique learning opportunities and blessings, along with challenges and obstacles.
社會學(xué)家研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，一般來說，婚姻至少要經(jīng)歷一系列的至少四個階段。每個階段都給予我們獨特的學(xué)習(xí)和成長的機會，還有祝福。當(dāng)然，其中不乏挑戰(zhàn)和險阻。
Stage One – Romance, Passion and Promise
第一階段——浪漫，激情，承諾
In the beginning of a relationship partners often communicate effortlessly and at length. They seem to intuit each other’s needs and wishes and go out of their way to please and surprise each other. Couples begin to develop a strong sense of “we.”
在一段婚姻關(guān)系初期，夫妻們經(jīng)常可以毫不費力地進行最大限度的溝通。他們可以直接感知對方的愿望和需求，也會不顧自己的感受盡力取悅對方，讓對方驚喜。他們之間逐漸建立起“我們”的強烈意識，縱觀所有階段，此階段夫妻的個性差異是最小的，幾乎可以忽略。
Individual differences are minimized, if noticed at all; partners are very accepting. Joy, excitement, happiness and hope abound.
夫妻在這個階段很容易接受對方的一切。他們彼此充滿著快樂、興奮、幸福和希望。
Partners present and elicit their best selves. Life seems promising. It is a time of sharing dreams and romance. This is a time to be remembered and cherished.
夫妻們都會選擇展現(xiàn)他們最好的那一面給對方。生活似乎充滿希望和前景。這是彼此分享夢想和浪漫的階段。這是值得銘記和珍惜的階段。
Stage Two – Settling down and Realization
第二階段——冷靜和理解
The high energy and intensity of Stage One inevitably give way to the ordinary and routine.
第一階段的熱情和激情不可避免地被隨之而來的生活瑣事所磨滅。
Ideally, in Stage Two couples learn to deepen their communication skills. They work to understand and express their wants, needs, and feelings.
在理想的情況下，在第二階段，夫妻傾向于加強他們的溝通技巧。他們要學(xué)習(xí)慢慢地理解和表達他們真正的需求、感覺和希望。
They learn to be honest and vulnerable and to listen actively to each other.
他們要學(xué)習(xí)坦誠，要愿意展現(xiàn)自己脆弱的一面給對方，還要多傾聽對方的意見。
They become aware of differences not noticed previously and develop strategies for dealing with them. Couples learn about give and take, negotiation and accommodation.
他們會發(fā)現(xiàn)一些之前沒有留意到的差異，并利用適當(dāng)?shù)牟呗院煤锰幚硪虿町愒斐傻挠绊?。雙方在這個階段學(xué)習(xí)如何付出和接受、商量和妥協(xié)。
Stage Three – Rebellion and Power Struggles
第三階段——反抗和權(quán)力抗?fàn)?/span>
Spouses cannot always live up to each other’s expectations. They will disappoint and unintentionally hurt each other.
夫妻關(guān)系中沒有人總能滿足對方的期盼。不經(jīng)意間，他們會使對方失望，甚至傷害到對方。
They now become intensely aware of their differences and may use control strategies to bring back the desired balance.
在這階段，他們強烈地意識到兩人之間的差異，并希望能控制局勢，讓生活回到以前理想的平衡狀態(tài)。
Power struggles are common. Blame, judgment, criticism and defensiveness are likely outcomes.
權(quán)力抗?fàn)幨呛艹Ｒ姷?；指?zé)，批評，挑剔，防御，是最有可能的結(jié)果。
Fear and anxiety enter the relationship. Couples’ thinking can narrow into right/wrong, good/bad polarities.
婚姻關(guān)系混進了恐懼和擔(dān)憂，夫妻的思想很可能會縮窄到對/錯，好/壞兩個極端。
Ideally, couples learn about forgiveness and accommodation in this stage. They learn to deal constructively with anger and hurt. A supportive community becomes especially important.
理想的情況下，在此階段，夫妻會在體諒和適應(yīng)中成長。支撐性的社群變得尤為重要（即親戚好友要幫助夫妻維持婚姻，給予支撐性的建議，讓爭吵中的夫妻變得和諧）。
Stage Four – Discovery, Reconciliation, and Beginning Again
第四階段——發(fā)現(xiàn)，調(diào)解，重新開始
Couples can push through the previous stage through deepened communication, honesty and trust.
夫妻可以跳過第三階段這道坎，但需要加深彼此的溝通，坦誠和信任。
Ideally, they discover and create a new sense of connection. They learn more about each other’s strengths and vulnerabilities.
在理想的情況下，他們會探尋并創(chuàng)造出一種新的維系婚姻的方式。
They learn to identify and talk about their fears instead of acting them out. They refuse to judge or blame their partner; they translate their complaints into requests for change.
他們學(xué)會要了解更多對方的長處和弱點。他們學(xué)會試圖說出他們心中的恐懼，而不是直接表現(xiàn)在行動上以致傷害對方。他們不再批評或指責(zé)對方，而將對方的抱怨視為讓自己變得更好的要求。
Partners see each other in a new light, as gifted and flawed, just as they themselves are gifted and flawed. Empathy and compassion increase. They learn to appreciate and respect each other in new ways; they learn not to take each other for granted.
夫妻用一種新的眼光看待對方，就如同自己本身有優(yōu)點也有缺點，對方也亦然。因此，他們對對方的同情感和憐憫感增加了。他們學(xué)會以一種新的方法去贊美和尊重對方，不再認為對自己好是對方的義務(wù)。
They find a new balance of separateness and togetherness, independence and intimacy. A new hope and energy return to the relationship.
他們發(fā)現(xiàn)了一種在分開和共處之間，獨立和親密之間的平衡?；橐鲫P(guān)系重新注入新的希望和力量。
Additional Challenges and Stages
其他挑戰(zhàn)和階段
Many couples will encounter additional life cycle stages. Just like marriage, creating a family will face many challenges.
很多夫妻會遇到其他階段。如同婚姻，建立一個家庭會面對很多挑戰(zhàn)。
It is another opportunity to learn about cooperation and becoming a team, about dealing with differences and conflicts, and about taking time to pause and choose.
這給予夫妻另一個成長的機會，學(xué)習(xí)如何成為一個團隊，分工合作；處理生活上的矛盾和爭執(zhí)；留出時間去思考未來的路，并進行抉擇。
Parenting is a spiritual journey that involves not only the growth of the children but the growth of the parents. Like marriage, it will have many opportunities to surrender and die to self, to let go and to grieve.
成為父母是一個心靈上新的旅程，期間不斷發(fā)育成長的不僅有孩子，而且父母也會壯大他們的力量，思想更加成熟。如同婚姻，成為父母也要很大犧牲，要懂取舍和放棄。
Other life cycle challenges include illness, unemployment and other financial crises, retirement, and the death of one’s partner. Many couples must take care of the older generation while letting go of the younger one.
夫妻會遇到的其他挑戰(zhàn)還包括疾病，失業(yè)或其他經(jīng)濟危機，退休和另一半的離世。有時候，夫妻還要面對白頭人送黑頭人的情況。
Growth throughout the marital journey requires openness and flexibility. Faith requires trust and surrender. Even if we cannot see the entire road and where it will end, we need to have clarity to take the next few steps.
在婚姻的旅程中，愛情的成長需要坦誠和適應(yīng)。信念需要信任和退讓來維持。盡管我們未必能遇見前方的道路，也不知何處是幸福的彼岸，我們?nèi)匀恍枰逦闹笇?dǎo)，引領(lǐng)未來的生活。
