But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Immediately, an absolute darkness ruled the forest. Jane, exhausted and scared, lay down near a stone, missing her family at a distance. All the fantastic memory crowded in and she couldn’t help crying, “Hadn’t I quarreled with Tom, walked away and climbed to the high place, I wouldn’t be trapped in this awful place, confronted with the danger of dying.” She regretted with endless anxiety, and then became asleep with shining tears in her eyes.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Weak as she was, she struggled to her feet, continuing searching for assistance. To her great joy, a helicopter was flying overhead again and again. Eager and excited, she flagged her yellow blouse and spared no effort to yell so as to attract others’ attention. Fortunately, she was eventually noticed and brought into the helicopter. There, she saw her husband, a man staring at her, wearing an expression of relief. As tightly as possible, she hugged him and was too thrilled to say anything. Besides, they agreed never to quarrel again, determining to live the life to the fullest.

【點評】

該篇作文在邏輯、語言方面做到了平衡、全面、出色。

首先，在邏輯上，該篇文章做到了合理合情：起初，主人公身陷森林，內(nèi)心充滿了悔恨，在面對困難時焦慮、畏懼；之后，主人公努力求生，最終獲救，并且領(lǐng)悟到了一定的人生道理。縱觀整個故事，情節(jié)發(fā)展不僅符合兩段給出的開頭所限定的情景要求，而且還設(shè)置了一定的懸念，增強(qiáng)了故事的可讀性。

在語言上，這篇文章并沒有一味采用大詞、難詞，而是在高中詞匯范圍內(nèi)精挑細(xì)選，活用了許多小詞，增加了許多閱讀趣味。例如，文章第一句“an absolute darkness ruled the forest”中，“rule”一詞就使用了擬人的修辭手法，讓森林陰森黑暗的一面展露無遺，同時描繪出主人公身處絕境的緊迫性。在“Eager and excited, she flagged her yellow blouse...”一句中，直接將情緒形容詞放在句首，使用了非謂語動詞的語法，表達(dá)精練。

此外，“There, she saw her husband, a man staring at her, wearing an expression of relief.”一句中，使用了幾個短句，卻包含了兩處非謂語動詞語法，同時活用了“wear”一詞，把兩個人相見時的場景生動地描繪了出來。

總體來說，這篇文章反映出該考生課外閱讀較多，平時應(yīng)有較多練筆。

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky, weakly shining in the moon-eclipsed darkness. Rages and apprehension calmed down and exhaustions came dominating Jane as she hopelessly fell down into the soft grass. The transparent stream sounded amusing and was no longer as infuriated as the stream of her mind hours ago. She thought about Tom, memories flooding out as she closed her eyes and recalled the kindness of him. Regretfully, she fell asleep, flower singing adhering to her ears (flowers’ singing adhering to her ears).

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. Sunshine embraced the forest plain, reflecting to bloom her yellow blouse to be an attractive “flower”. In her sleepy eyes, a helicopter was right in the sky. Wild with joy, she jumped up, grabbing the blouse and flourishing it while crying. The helicopter spotted her and began to land on the grass. “It’s Tom! I know he will, he will come!” A pair of astounded hand reached Jane’s cheek. “Where did you go? If something happened to you, I’ll always have it on my conscience.” They hugged more tightly. “I’m sorry.” Jane said.

【點評】

這篇文章最大的特色就是語言能力非常突出。

首先，全文使用了非常多的高級詞匯，如“cluster, rage, dominate, infuriated”等等。這些詞匯不僅準(zhǔn)確地描繪出人物的動作，而且對環(huán)境描寫也更為生動。不過，其詞匯的使用也有一些只求大、不注意詞義搭配自然程度的嫌疑，甚至有誤用，如“adhere, flourish, astound”等。在修辭方面，文章多處使用擬人修辭手法，如“Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky, weakly shining in the moon-eclipsed darkness.”以及“Sunshine embraced the forest plain.”兩句中，兩個動詞“decorate”，“embrace”使用了擬人。在語法上，全文主要使用非謂語動詞，力求用最精練的語言表達(dá)出最生動的畫面。

值得一提的是，文章雖然沒有使用許多句式，但卻從沒給讀者句子重復(fù)、單調(diào)的感覺，究其原因，是作者巧妙地給每句話設(shè)置了不同的主語。另外，本文每句話采用的寫作切入角度也值得研究。例如，第一段中，作者從遠(yuǎn)景（stars, sky）到近景（stream），再到細(xì)節(jié)特寫（ears），勾勒出了故事發(fā)生的不同場景，讓故事顯得有血有肉，情節(jié)豐滿，這也成為了文章邏輯上的出彩點。

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Desperate and hopeless, Jane knelt down, tears streaming down her face. Never in her wildest dream had she thought that she would run into such serious trouble. However, she had no alternative but pace back and forth in the forest. It suddenly occurred to her that she had a family and Tom to attend to, anyway, she should try her best to find the lake. After seemingly a long time, Jane felt tired and lay down in the darkness.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. She picked up the confidence and slowly walked along the stream. To her great joy, she eventually arrived at an open area. Praying that the helicopter will come back again, Jane sat down. After what seemed a long time, she could hear a voice somewhere at a distance. With her eyes sparkling, she struggled to her feet and shouted, “I’m here!” To her surprise, it was Tom. Upon seeing Jane, Tom immediately rushed out to her, folding his arms around her.

【點評】

首先，在邏輯上，文章前半段對劇情的合理拓展非常符合情境：主人公從悔恨到無奈，最終鼓起勇氣尋找出路。情節(jié)的豐富曲折增強(qiáng)了故事的可讀性。

在語言方面，文章使用了多種句型，如“Never in her wildest dream had she thought that she would run into such serious trouble.”一句使用了倒裝句；“It suddenly occurred to her that she had a family and Tom to attend to.”一句用了主語從句；“Praying that the helicopter will come back again, Jane sat down.”一句使用了非謂語動詞。句型的多變避免了句子的單調(diào)乏味，使文章更有靈性。同時，一些詞匯的使用也使文章比較生動，例如“Desperate and hopeless, Jane knelt down, tear streaming down her face.”一句中，“stream”的使用非常貼切。

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again. Feeling unbearably cold and extremely exhausted, Jane was quite at a loss as to how to cope with the terrible situation. She could do nothing but keep on going to find an open place, praying that the helicopter would come again. Nevertheless, there was not a soul in sight and everything was so dead-looking. Being in the depth of despair, Jane tried in vain to keep back her tears and promised herself that she would by no means quarrel with Tom again. So weak was Jane that she lay on the ground and fell asleep again.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up. To her great joy, a helicopter was just right over her head. She yelled with all her strength in a desperate attempt to free herself. This time, luckily, Jane was spotted and ultimately saved by the people in the helicopter. Then she was sent to the local police station. At the front door stood her dear husband who suffered great anxiety when Jane was nowhere to be found. Tears of joy and relief welled up as they finally held each other tightly. Jane’s yellow blouse was badly worn out but that’s no big deal. What was more significant was that they started to know that toleration would always be the best policy.

【點評】

該作文最大的亮點在于其語言的地道性。從文中使用了“at a loss”，“in a desperate attempt”，“spot”，“worn out”等詞。同時，該考生的組句能力也非常出色。文章中出現(xiàn)了多個長句、復(fù)雜句，例如“Feeling unbearably cold and extremely exhausted, Jane was quite at a loss as to how to cope with the terrible situation.”一句中，非謂語動詞是其中的亮點語法，表達(dá)了人物當(dāng)時的身體狀況。

值得一提的是，該篇作文中沒有一處出現(xiàn)人物對話，但仍然保證了故事的可讀性與真實感。為何？因為作者對故事的各個情境、人物的動作、心理活動等方面都進(jìn)行了細(xì)致入微的描繪，代替了語言相對簡單的對話，反而讓文章的語言顯得更書面化。這一點，值得各位考生借鑒——人物對話寫得越多，意味著作文的口語程度越高，往往不太容易得分，如果犯錯，卻容易失分，所以不太建議用大量對話。