憤怒是一種強烈的情緒，源自于恐懼、受挫或巨大的失落感。這是一種很自然的人類情感，我們每個人都會生氣。很多人把憤怒看作是“不好的”或者“負(fù)面的”情緒，這就使得他們或其他人無法健康并有效地利用憤怒。1

Everybody, young and old, male and female, feels angry at some time or another. Many people think that men, especially young men, get angry more often than women. This is a myth. This belief may have come about because men and women tend to express their anger in different ways. 

無論男女老幼，每個人都有生氣的時候。很多人以為男人，特別是年輕男子，比女人更容易發(fā)火。這是一種誤解，可能是因為男女表達憤怒的方式不同而造成的。

Men and boys are given messages that they should be 'tough' and that it is unmanly to express feelings such as fear, hurt, rejection and other 'painful' emotions. 

· 男人從小接受的信息是，他們必須“強硬”。如果他們表現(xiàn)出害怕、受傷、不被接納或其它“痛苦”的情緒，他們就不夠男人。

Women and girls are generally taught that getting angry is 'unladylike' or unfeminine. What names have you heard females called if they show anger?  "out of control", "bitch.." 

· 女人從小受到的教育則通常是：發(fā)火不夠”淑女“或不夠女性。你聽說過女性發(fā)火時是如何被人指摘的嗎？”失控“、”母狗……“1

This can mean that women are more likely to bottle up their anger or ignore it, while men lose their temper and let people know they feel angry. 

這意味著女性通常會克制或忽視自己的憤怒，而男性則會大發(fā)雷霆，讓別人知道他們很生氣。1

Anger can lead to dangerous situations unless you learn to recognise and manage it.

除非你學(xué)會認(rèn)知并控制憤怒，不然這種情緒有可能導(dǎo)致危險情況的發(fā)生。

Recognising anger in yourself and others

覺知憤怒的情緒1

When you get angry, your body releases a whole load of chemicals into your brain and they change the way your body is working. It stimulates the 'fight or flight' response so that your heart beats faster to push blood and the oxygen it carries, round to every part of your body, giving muscles and organs a boost to perform at their best.

當(dāng)你生氣的時候，你的身體會釋放出大量的化學(xué)物質(zhì)到你的大腦，從而改變你的身體機能。它會激發(fā)你作出“戰(zhàn)斗或逃跑”的反應(yīng)，你的心跳會因此而加速，身體每個部位血液和氧氣的供給會增加，你的肌肉和內(nèi)臟的表現(xiàn)也會因為受到刺激而達到最佳。1

Anger makes the heart pump faster; breathing gets faster and irregular (panting). 

· 憤怒會使你心跳加速，呼吸也會加快并且變得不規(guī)則（喘息）。

Your temperature rises and your body shakes or trembles. 

· 你的體溫會升高，身體會發(fā)抖或哆嗦。

You may feel like you want to hit out at something or someone, hurt yourself or others, run away as fast as you can, burst into tears or scream and shout. 

· 你可能會想要打什么東西或者什么人、傷害自己或者其他人、快速地跑開、大哭一場或者大嚷大叫。

People who are angry look very tense with clenched fists and tight muscles. 

· 生氣的人看上去很緊張，拳頭緊攥，肌肉緊繃。

Their eyes look wild or tearful, their voices sound loud and uncontrolled, or extremely quiet and 'dangerous'. 

· 生氣的人可能眼神看上去很狂野，也可能滿眼淚水。他們的聲音可能很大很失控，也可能很輕很“危險”。

Their face may be red and look swollen, or very white and tight looking with lips drawn back (a sort of human version of a dog snarling!).

· 他們的臉可能漲得通紅，好象腫了一樣，也可能臉色蒼白，面部緊斂，嘴唇緊收（有點兒象狗咆哮時的模樣?。?B class="label bg2" jQuery1319192777734="247">

If most of these signs are there then this could be a dangerous situation unless it is handled well by you and any other person involved.

如果出現(xiàn)上述這些跡象，情況可能很危險，除非你和其他在場的人能夠妥善處理。

How anger can be helpful

憤怒也有益處

In spite of the way anger is often viewed, it can be a helpful emotion in our lives. Anger can help you by: 

盡管人們對于發(fā)火的看法通常比較負(fù)面，不過憤怒也可以成為我們生活中有益的情緒。憤怒可以：

driving you to reach your goals, handle emergencies and solve problems 

· 激勵你實現(xiàn)目標(biāo)，處理緊急情況，解決問題

helping you express stress and tension 

· 幫助你表達壓力和緊張

communicating to others what you are feeling 

· 把你的感受告訴別人

motivating change towards social justice.

· 促進社會向公平轉(zhuǎn)變

In more primitive times anger was used as a survival tool. In more modern times, anger is also useful to: 

在人類還處于更原始的時期，憤怒曾經(jīng)是一種生存工具，而在現(xiàn)代社會，憤怒則可以：

notice you have been treated unfairly or been emotionally attacked by others 

· 告訴別人你受到了不公平的待遇或者情感上受到了傷害

help you protect your emotional well-being 

· 幫助你保護自己的心緒健康

allow you to stand up for yourself and your rights 

· 讓你為了自己和自己的權(quán)利挺身而出

show disapproval when someone breaks social rules or 'norms'. Anger communicates a message that some behaviour is not OK, eg. you might get angry at Joe when he 'beats up his girlfriend' because you see violence as very harmful, illegal and not OK 

· 讓你在別人打破社會規(guī)則或“常規(guī)”時表達不滿。憤怒可以傳達這樣一種信息，就是有些行為讓人無法接受。例如，當(dāng)喬“動手打他的女朋友”時，你可能會憤怒，因為你認(rèn)為暴力是一種有害、非法、不可接受的行為。

lead to changes in the way our society runs. When a group of people get angry over the same things, they will often join together to change the situation, eg. marches against racism or protests against war.

· 導(dǎo)致社會運行方式的轉(zhuǎn)變。當(dāng)一群人對于同樣的事情都感到憤怒時，他們經(jīng)常會攜起手來改變現(xiàn)狀，比如舉行反種族主義的游行或者反戰(zhàn)示威。

Note: Your anger can be useful, but only if you express it in a helpful way. It is important that you don't hurt yourself or other people or damage property.

注意：只有當(dāng)你以積極的方式表達憤怒時，你的憤怒才可能產(chǎn)生正面的作用。千萬不要傷害自己或他人，也不要損壞財物。

Dealing with your anger

對治你的憤怒1

Your instinctive reaction to anger is to go into Attack, Hurt, Destroy, Defend mode! 

當(dāng)你生氣時，本能的反應(yīng)是進入攻擊、傷害、毀壞、自衛(wèi)的模式！

This can lead to your hurting someone, or hurting yourself if the other person isn’t around to hurt! 

· 你可能會去傷害別人，或者如果你想傷害的人不在跟前，你就傷害你自己！

It can lead to damage to property and making really stupid choices that may lead to lasting problems in the future.

· 你也可能會損壞財物，作出種種愚蠢的選擇，給將來帶來沒完沒了的麻煩。

Stop and ask yourself why you are really angry. 

停下來問問自己，你到底為什么生氣。

Is it because you fear something? 

· 是因為你有所恐懼嗎？

Do you feel you have been treated unfairly? 

· 是因為你覺得自己受到了不公平的待遇嗎？

Did someone say or do something that embarrassed you? 

· 是因為有人說了或者做了什么讓你難堪的事情嗎？

Did something hurt your feelings? 

· 是因為發(fā)生了什么傷害你的感情的事情嗎？

Did you feel a lack of respect for you and your needs? 

· 是因為你覺得自己和自己的需要沒有受到別人的尊重嗎？

Does it remind you of another experience where you were hurt?

· 是因為你想起了以前受傷的經(jīng)歷嗎？

Expressing anger in hurtful ways

用傷人的方式表達憤怒

When people are not aware of how they are feeling, they can sometimes let anger cause an unhealthy outburst. Anger then becomes negative, destructive and can harm you or other important people and things in your life.

當(dāng)人們不清楚自己的感受時，有時會以不健康的方式發(fā)火。憤怒于是變成負(fù)面的、具有破壞力的行為，并可能對你或其他在你生命中具有重要地位的人事造成傷害。1

If you frequently lose your temper, you may find it can: 

如果你經(jīng)常發(fā)火，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)：

be hard to keep friends, partners, family or employment 

· 你很難維持友誼、兩性關(guān)系、家庭或工作

make both yourself and other people miserable 

· 你會讓自己和他人都很難受

hurt yourself or others (often loved ones) 

· 你會傷害自己或他人（經(jīng)常是你所愛的人）

lead to loneliness and unhappiness 

· 你會感覺孤獨、不開心

lead to violence - this is harmful to others, illegal, you may be charged with assault, or other crimes.

· 你可能會有暴力傾向——這本身會對他人造成傷害，是非法的行為，你可能會因侵犯人身罪或其它罪行受到起訴

Anger can take over your life!

憤怒可以把你的生活攪得天翻地覆！1

If you feel low or have little control in your life, you can sometimes use anger to manipulate or make others afraid of you. This can give you a sense of strength, power and control over the people around you. Using anger this way can hurt other people and yourself. It makes it difficult to keep friends or other relationships and can lead to feelings of guilt or shame. These feelings can lead to low self-esteem, and increased anger and loneliness. It becomes a vicious cycle! It is never OK to use anger to hurt people in any way!

如果你感覺情緒低落或者難以把握自己的生活，有時你會借由發(fā)火來扭曲別人對你的觀感，讓別人害怕你。這可能會讓你覺得自己很強大，有能力操控身邊的其他人。這樣使用憤怒會傷害你自己和其他人，使你很難交到朋友或維持其它關(guān)系，甚至可能導(dǎo)致負(fù)罪感和恥辱感。這些情緒又會使你喪失自尊，并讓你更加憤怒和孤獨，從而進入惡性循環(huán)！無論通過什么方式，利用憤怒來傷害他人都是不對的！1

On the other hand, when people ignore their anger, it has nowhere else to go, and can often turn upon its owner. 

另一方面，如果人們忽視自己的怒氣，它將無以宣泄，甚至可能導(dǎo)致自己跟自己過不去。

When you bottle up your anger, you may: 

如果你一味克制自己的憤怒，你可能會：

find this method only works for a short period of time 

· 發(fā)現(xiàn)這個辦法只在短時期內(nèi)有效

have depression, low self-esteem or anxiety 

· 患上抑郁癥、喪失自尊或感覺焦躁2

use drugs and alcohol to "cover it up" 

· 使用毒品或酒精來“掩蓋它”1

feel ugly, horrible and hate yourself 

· 感覺難受、痛苦并怨恨自己

hurt or punish yourself 

· 傷害或懲罰自己

explode - often over little things that wouldn't normally worry you 

· 爆發(fā)——而且經(jīng)常是為些無關(guān)緊要的芝麻小事

aim it at people who had nothing to do with the original cause of the anger 

· 向那些跟你的憤怒根源完全不相干的人發(fā)泄

let anger take over your life!

· 讓憤怒控制你的生活！

Bottling it up means anger continues to lurk like an emotional monster, waiting for opportunities to hurt you or someone else.

克制意味著你的怒火依然象個感情的魔鬼一樣潛伏著，隨時等待著機會去傷害你或他人。

Starting to take control

開始自己做主

Strong anger is not related to sensible thinking or working things out, which is why you need to learn how to deal with anger in a positive way.

強烈的怒火使人無法正常思考，找不出解決辦法，因此你必須學(xué)習(xí)用積極的方式應(yīng)對憤怒。1

Anger produces a lot of power and energy. To be able to manage it you may need to work out ways of reducing it until it is controllable and you are able to use it to make things change.  

· 憤怒會產(chǎn)生很多的能量。要想控制憤怒，你可能先要找到辦法把怒氣降低到可以控制的程度，然后再利用它來促成變化。

You could learn to channel that energy into useful physical actions like: 

· 你可以學(xué)習(xí)把這種能量用于有益的作為，例如：

getting away from the person you are angry with 

　　· 離開讓你生氣的人

running 

　　· 跑步

cleaning your room 

　　· 整理房間

scrubbing the floor 

　　· 擦洗地板

mowing the lawn 

　　· 修剪草坪

screaming as loud as you can into a pillow or outside in a place where you can be alone 

　　· 對著枕頭或者到外面無人的空處大喊

writing all your angry thoughts down on a piece of paper then tearing it up into satisfyingly small pieces 

　　· 把所有讓你生氣的想法都寫在一張紙上，然后盡情地把它撕成碎片

counting down from ten to one (in your mind if you are not alone) starting with a screaming 'ten' and bringing down the volume to a whispering 'one'. 

　　· 從十反數(shù)到一（如果周圍有人就在腦子里數(shù)），數(shù)“十”的時候大聲叫，然后逐漸降低音量，數(shù)到“一”時變成耳語

exercise - do push ups and sit ups, leg bicycling lying on your back, practise throwing or pitching a ball or hitting a ball with a racket or bat into a blanket hung on the clothesline (not into a wall as your aim might be off and you could end up breaking something).

　　· 鍛煉——做俯臥撐或仰臥起坐，躺著用腿做蹬自行車的練習(xí)，對著掛在晾衣繩上的毯子練習(xí)投球或者用拍子擊球（不要對著墻，因為你可能因為沒瞄準(zhǔn)而打碎東西）

It is not a good idea to drive, ride a bike or operate machinery when your anger is out of control.

當(dāng)你怒不可遏時，最好不要開車、騎車或操作機器。

Getting help to sort things out

尋求幫助

If you are angry because of harassment/bullying or discrimination, there are laws and policies at work, school, college or university to deal with this. Make an appointment with a counsellor or equal rights representative and find out the steps you can take. 

如果你是因為受人騷擾、被人欺侮或歧視而憤怒，那么無論是在工作單位還是在小學(xué)、中學(xué)、大學(xué)，都有相關(guān)的法規(guī)和政策。去跟輔導(dǎo)員或平等權(quán)利代表談一談，看看你都能做些什么。

If you're angry because you are the victim of a violent crime, ring your local police station or legal advice service to gain further information.

如果你憤怒是因為你是暴力犯罪的受害者，你可以給本地的警察局或法律顧問服務(wù)打電話，了解進一步的信息。

If anger has become a problem in your life, you may want to visit a counsellor. They can help you explore personal issues that help you to stay angry most of the time. Sometimes life experiences can hold you back from moving on with your life. Many people get help when they feel the things they're trying on their own aren't working.

如果憤怒已經(jīng)成為你生活中的一個問題，你也許應(yīng)該去看心理顧問。他們可以幫你找出經(jīng)常讓你生氣的個人因素。有時是過去的生活經(jīng)歷使得你無法重新開始。很多人在獨立嘗試失敗后，都會尋求幫助。

Coping with the anger of other people

應(yīng)對他人的怒氣

If you can see that someone is getting angry and out of control:

如果你發(fā)現(xiàn)有人正在發(fā)火并且已經(jīng)失控：

your safety is most important, so step back and stay quiet. 

· 你的安全是第一位的，所以保持距離，保持安靜。

speak quietly and calmly if the angry person is asking questions. 

· 如果發(fā)火的人問問題，輕柔、鎮(zhèn)靜地回答他。

if the situation looks like becoming violent then go and get help from a trusted adult.

· 如果情況可能走向暴力，去找你信得過的成人來幫助。

If someone in your home is often angry that is not your fault.

如果你家里經(jīng)常有人發(fā)火，那不是你的錯。

No one can make someone else angry. Everyone needs to control their own anger and not allow it to take over their minds and bodies. 

· 沒人能讓別人發(fā)火。每個人都應(yīng)該控制自己的怒氣，不讓怒火占據(jù)他們的身心。

If you are living in what is sometimes a violent home then you need to talk with a trusted adult. 

· 如果你生活在一個充滿暴力的家庭，你應(yīng)該跟一位你信得過的成人談一談。

It is not 'dobbing' on someone if you are in an unsafe situation. You and the person who is unable to control his or her anger need some help. 

· 如果你的處境不安全，這并不構(gòu)成對他人的“出賣”。你和那個無法控制怒氣的人都需要幫助。

Work out what you will need to do to keep yourself safe. 

　　· 想想你能做些什么來保證自己的安全。

Have an emergency fund stashed to get yourself out of there and round to your trusted friends. 

　　· 在隱蔽處準(zhǔn)備一些應(yīng)急錢，以便你能離開那里，到信任的朋友家里去。

Have a small bag filled with basic essentials ready to go in case you have get out in a hurry. 

　　· 準(zhǔn)備一個小包，里面放上必需品，這樣你就能隨時離開。

Don't lose your temper or react, just avoid eye contact, stay calm and quiet and walk away as soon as you safely can. 

　　· 不要發(fā)火，也不要作出反應(yīng)，避免視線接觸，保持清醒和冷靜，一旦能夠安全地離開就趕緊走開。

Call the police if you fear for the safety of yourself and others who are there.

　　· 如果你為自己和其他在場的人的安全擔(dān)心，就給警察打電話。

Skills to learn and practise

應(yīng)該學(xué)習(xí)并鍛煉的技巧

Self awareness 

· 自我覺察

Get to know yourself so that you can recognise when you are starting to feel angry. 

　　· 了解自己，這樣當(dāng)你開始生氣的時候，你就能覺察出來。

Work out what it is that is making you feel angry and then think of how you can deal with it without losing your temper. 

　　· 找出讓你生氣的原因，然后想想有什么辦法可以讓你不發(fā)脾氣就能解決問題。

Communication

· 溝通

Being able to communicate calls for listening and speaking skills. 

良好的溝通能力需要同時具備傾聽和表達的技巧。

Practise being an active listener. Active listening involves: 

　　· 練習(xí)做一個積極的傾聽者。積極的傾聽包括：

giving the speaker eye contact 

　　　　· 跟說話者保持視線接觸

making 'listening noises' eg "uhuh" and "yes I see" 

　　　　· 發(fā)出一些“傾聽的聲音”，比如“嗯”，“我知道了”，等等

showing you understand by repeating what they have said using your own words eg. "Do you mean…?"

　　　　· 用你自己的話重復(fù)對方所說的，以表示你已經(jīng)明白，比如：“你的意思是……嗎？”

Practise thinking logically about what you want to say. 

　　· 練習(xí)有邏輯地組織你要說的話。

Speak quietly without getting upset.

　　· 輕聲講話，并且不需要感覺沮喪。

Assertiveness

· 有主見

Being assertive is about standing up for yourself without getting upset or losing your temper. 

有主見的意思是，據(jù)理力爭而不感覺沮喪或惱火。

It is about listening, then saying things like, "I hear what you are saying but have you thought about…" 

　　· 有主見首先要傾聽，然后你可以說：“我聽懂了你的意思，但是你有沒有想過……”

It is about being able to agree that you are not going to agree, but that it's okay for each of you to have your own opinions. 

　　· 有主見是接受這樣一個事實——你可以有不同的意見。每個人都可以有自己的看法，這沒關(guān)系。

It is about toleration and compromise. 

　　· 有主見是寬容和妥協(xié)。

It is about knowing how to stand your ground without being threatening to anyone.

　　· 有主見是堅持自己的立場但并不威脅任何人。

Being assertive is a very important skill that everyone should learn.

有主見是一項每個人都應(yīng)該學(xué)習(xí)的重要技巧。

Conflict resolution

· 解決爭議

Anger is a strong emotion. Strong emotions can get in the way of clear thinking and commonsense. Conflict resolution skills are helpful when dealing with strong emotions

憤怒是一種強烈的情緒。強烈的情緒會影響一個人清晰思維的能力以及常識性的判斷能力。在應(yīng)對強烈的情緒時，解決爭議的技巧會很有幫助。

Conflict resolution is about: 

解決爭議包括：

working through the problem 

　　· 分析問題

listening to and respecting each other's opinions 

　　· 傾聽并尊重每個人的意見

finding a solution that is win-win. That is when there is no winner and no loser, but each person has to be prepared to give up something to get something that they want.

　　· 尋找雙贏的解決方案，也就是說，沒有贏家也沒有輸家，每個人為了得到想要的結(jié)果，都必須準(zhǔn)備放棄一些東西。