What is a Family Meeting?什么是家庭會(huì)議？

• Family meetings are time set aside to promote meaningful communication and to provide for family discussion, decision making, problem solving, encouragement and cooperation.家庭會(huì)議是預(yù)留促進(jìn)有意義的溝通，并為家庭的討論，決策，解決問題，鼓勵(lì)和合作的時(shí)代。
• Family meetings can be structured and rather formal or flexible and informal.家庭會(huì)議可以結(jié)構(gòu)和相當(dāng)靈活的，正式或非正式的。
• At family meetings, everyone has a part and something to contribute.在家庭會(huì)議上，每個(gè)人都有一個(gè)組成部分，一些貢獻(xiàn)。 No one is less important than another, and family members contribute according to their age and ability.沒有人比另一個(gè)重要少，家庭成員根據(jù)自己的年齡作出貢獻(xiàn)和能力。

Who Benefits from Family Meetings?誰收益，從家庭會(huì)議？ EVERYONE!大家好！

All families can benefit from family meetings whether they are stepfamilies, dual-career, single-parent, intergenerational or traditional.所有的家庭可以受惠家庭會(huì)議無論是再婚家庭，雙職工，單親家庭，兩代人或傳統(tǒng)。 Family meetings are an excellent way to practice problem-solving skills, promote communication and build family unity.家庭會(huì)議是一個(gè)很好的方法來練習(xí)解決問題的技能，促進(jìn)溝通和建立家庭的團(tuán)結(jié)。 When a particular plan is discussed and mutually agreed on in a family meeting, everyone -- even the youngest child -- feels a sense of "ownership" and thus is more likely to go along with the plan.當(dāng)一個(gè)特別的計(jì)劃進(jìn)行了討論和共同商定的會(huì)議上在一個(gè)家庭中，每個(gè)人-甚至是最小的孩子-感覺是“感”的所有權(quán)，從而更有可能去規(guī)劃，同時(shí)使用。 Also, children are able to see their family working together as a group.此外，孩子們能夠看到他們的家庭工作作為一個(gè)群體在一起。 They experience feeling stronger and smarter in a group.他們經(jīng)歷感更強(qiáng)，在一組更聰明。

Regularly scheduled meetings might deal with daily decisions such as who will drive the kids to sports practice or how chores are to be distributed.定期會(huì)議可能涉及的日常決策分發(fā)如誰的孩子將推動(dòng)體育實(shí)踐或家務(wù)是如何。 A one-time meeting might be called for a specific purpose, like planning a vacation, holiday party or family project; solving a problem, such as how to make Grandma's moving in more comfortable for everyone; or clearing the air after a crisis or squabble.一次性會(huì)議可能要求特定目的，如規(guī)劃休假，假日聚會(huì)或家庭項(xiàng)目;解決舒適大家一個(gè)問題，比如如何更是讓奶奶在的移動(dòng);或結(jié)算或爭(zhēng)吵空中危機(jī)過后， 。

At times meetings may cover major issues such as setting new family goals or developing a plan of action for handling a drop in family income.有時(shí)會(huì)議可能涉及家庭收入的主要問題，如制定新的家庭目標(biāo)或在發(fā)展中國家下降了一個(gè)行動(dòng)計(jì)劃來處理。 At other times a meeting may be called for minor issues, such as deciding what color to paint the house.在其他次會(huì)議可能要求一些小問題的房子，例如決定什么顏色漆。

How Do We Get Started?我們?nèi)绾伍_始？

The process is easier to initiate if meetings begin when children are young (age 4 to 5). Teens and school-age children tend to be more negative about new activities.這個(gè)過程是比較容易啟動(dòng)會(huì)議開始時(shí)，如果孩子還年輕（年齡4至5）。青少年和學(xué)齡兒童往往帶來新的更多的活動(dòng)負(fù)。 There may be negative reactions and resistance at first, but most children come to value the process once they understand it's a time to air concerns, discuss possible solutions and share positive moments.可能有消極的反應(yīng)和抵抗在第一，但大多數(shù)孩子開始重視這一進(jìn)程一旦他們明白這是一個(gè)涉及時(shí)間，空氣，討論可能的解決辦法和分享積極的時(shí)刻。

Simply make a decision to start, have a plan of action for what will be said or done, pick a date and go for it!簡(jiǎn)單地做出一個(gè)決定開始，已經(jīng)和它出去的行動(dòng)計(jì)劃會(huì)說什么或做了，挑一個(gè)日期！

Structured or Unstructured?結(jié)構(gòu)化或非結(jié)構(gòu)化的？

As you start, think about your current family communication patterns.當(dāng)你開始，想想你目前的家庭溝通模式。 If you're comfortable sharing feelings and have an open communication style, you may be able to begin with more structure.如果您習(xí)慣于分享感覺和有一個(gè)開放的溝通方式，你可以開始與更多的結(jié)構(gòu)。 You may want to establish a specific routine such as:你可能想建立一個(gè)具體的例行如：

1. Open with each member stating one positive thing they have appreciated about each member since the last meeting.每次會(huì)議成員開一個(gè)積極的事情，說明他們終于有贊賞，因?yàn)槊總€(gè)成員。
2. Ask for subjects of concern or issues for discussion.要求關(guān)注的問題或討論問題。 Create a list and discuss each one at a time.創(chuàng)建一個(gè)列表，并在討論每一次。
3. Close by planning a family event for the week!關(guān)閉計(jì)劃為一周的家庭活動(dòng)！

Some families will be more comfortable with less structure.有些家庭會(huì)事半功倍結(jié)構(gòu)舒服。 Meetings may be called at any time, incorporated into driving time when schedules are tight or following a family meal. Informal meetings allow issues to be dealt with as they arise.會(huì)議可能會(huì)在任何時(shí)間，時(shí)間行駛時(shí)納入日程緊張或以下的家庭餐。非正式會(huì)議使問題得到處理，因?yàn)樗麄兂霈F(xiàn)。 If your children are older and you're new to this process, try starting more informally, such as:如果您的孩子年紀(jì)大了，你是新的這個(gè)過程中，開始嘗試更多的非正式的，如：

1. A problem is identified during a long drive and you ask everyone to please relax and treat this issue as a problem everyone can help solve.一個(gè)問題是一個(gè)長(zhǎng)期過程中發(fā)現(xiàn)的驅(qū)動(dòng)器，你問大家請(qǐng)放松和治療是一個(gè)問題每個(gè)人都可以幫助解決這個(gè)問題。
2. Ask each member to share their concerns and a possible solution.要求每一位成員分享他們的關(guān)注和可能的解決方案。
3. After everyone has contributed, work together to find a solution that works for everyone.經(jīng)過大家作出了貢獻(xiàn)，共同努力，找到一個(gè)解決方案，為每個(gè)人的作品。
4. Conclude by explaining that they just successfully completed their first family meeting!最后解釋說，他們剛剛成功地完成了第一次家庭會(huì)議！ Decide how the family might continue to use this process in the future.決定如何使用這些家庭可能會(huì)繼續(xù)在未來使用這一進(jìn)程。

What are some General Guidelines for Effective Family Meetings?什么是有效的家庭會(huì)議的一般準(zhǔn)則？

1. Begin family meetings only after you feel your relationship with your children is one of mutual respect and honesty.家庭會(huì)議后，才開始你覺得你和你的子女的關(guān)系是一個(gè)誠實(shí)和相互尊重。
2. Use the following guidelines for effective family meetings:使用有效的家庭會(huì)議的下列準(zhǔn)則：
   -- Establish a specific regular meeting time. - 建立一個(gè)具體的常規(guī)會(huì)議的時(shí)間。 Weekly is a good way to start.周是一個(gè)很好的開端。
   -- Take advantage of driving time to discuss issues when meetings are not possible. - 以駕駛的時(shí)間來討論的問題時(shí)，會(huì)議是不可能的優(yōu)勢(shì)。
   -- Establish and stick to time limits. - 建立和堅(jiān)持的時(shí)間限制。
   -- Make sure all members have a chance to offer ideas. - 確保所有成員有機(jī)會(huì)提供意見。
   -- Encourage everyone to bring up issues. - 鼓勵(lì)大家提出的問題。 Write them down, keep a list until the next meeting and discuss them in order.寫下來，保持一個(gè)清單，直到下一次會(huì)議，討論順序的研究。
   -- Don't permit meetings to become gripe sessions. - 不允許抱怨會(huì)議，成為會(huì)議。
   -- Plan family fun to meet the interests of all ages. - 計(jì)劃的家庭樂趣，以滿足各年齡層的利益。
   -- Use your communication skills. - 用你的溝通技巧。 Listen with sensitivity, speak with respect for feelings and never use put-downs.聽的敏感性，說話從來沒有感情的尊重和投入使用的下調(diào)。
   -- Evaluate decisions at the next meeting. - 在下次會(huì)議上評(píng)估決定。
   -- Don't use family meetings to attempt to solve one person's problems. - 不要使用家庭會(huì)議，以試圖解決一個(gè)人的問題。 Meetings are not therapy sessions.會(huì)議不是心理治療。 Use the meeting to share feelings and make suggestions.利用這次會(huì)議交流感情和提出建議。 Seek professional help for problems.問題尋求專業(yè)幫助。
   -- Even families with one child can benefit from family meetings. - 有一個(gè)孩子甚至家庭可以受惠家庭會(huì)議。 Decision making is still important for everyone.決策是每個(gè)人仍然重要。
   -- Remember that parents are not the only ones in charge. - 記住，父母不負(fù)責(zé)的唯一的人。 No one person should have control over meetings.沒有一個(gè)人應(yīng)該有控制權(quán)的會(huì)議。 Take turns leading the meetings, and involve everyone in an age-appropriate way.輪流領(lǐng)導(dǎo)會(huì)議，人人參與的方式在年齡相適應(yīng)的。
3. Follow through on agreements.按照通過的協(xié)議。 At the time agreements are made, build in logical consequences for broken agreements.當(dāng)時(shí)的協(xié)議作出，建立在破碎協(xié)議邏輯后果。
4. All members participate in family meetings as equals.家庭所有成員參加的會(huì)議是平等的。
5. Family meetings are important if families want to function democratically.家庭會(huì)議是重要的，如果家屬希望民主的功能。

Barriers to Positive Family Communication以家庭溝通障礙的實(shí)證

"In my day ..." “在我的天...”

One thing parents seem to find irresistible is using examples from their childhoods to make a case for why something should be done (or not be done) and why something is (or is not) hard to do.有一件事情似乎是不可抗拒的誘惑家長(zhǎng)使用的童年是從他們的例子做的情況下作出的，為什么一些應(yīng)該做（或不辦），為什么事情是（或不是）難。 "When I was a little girl, my father wouldn't let me..." “當(dāng)我還是一個(gè)小女孩，我爸爸不會(huì)讓我...” "I used to get up at 6 in the morning and do chores before I went to school..." “我以前起床早上6時(shí)在做家務(wù)前，我去上學(xué)...” "In my day we didn't watch TV after school. We did our homework." “在我的一天，我們放學(xué)后沒有看電視。我們做我們的功課。”

It's hard for kids to relate to this history.很難讓孩子們涉及到這段歷史。 Their reaction is likely to be much eye rolling rather than giving any serious thought to what it was like when you were growing up.他們的反應(yīng)很可能是多眼滾動(dòng)而不是讓任何認(rèn)真考慮什么它就像你成長(zhǎng)。 And when you say things like, "I'm doing it for your own good" or "You'll thank me for this some day," you have filled the air with words that have very little meaning.當(dāng)你說，這樣的話：“我做你自己的好”或“你會(huì)感謝我一些這方面的一天，”你有什么意義的空氣填充文字具有非常。

More importantly, you have shifted the discussion and avoided giving any reasons for what you are saying.更重要的是，你已經(jīng)轉(zhuǎn)移了討論，并避免給任何理由說是為你。 If there's a rule in the house that children must finish their homework before watching TV, be clear about the rule and don't hide behind cliches or stories of your past.如果有一所房子統(tǒng)治的兒童必須完成他們的功課，然后看電視，可清楚知道規(guī)則，不要躲在陳詞濫調(diào)或過去的故事的。 Give your reasons and be open to a rational discussion with your children.給你的理由，并開出了與您的孩子理性的討論。

Explain exactly why a rule exists.準(zhǔn)確地解釋為什么一個(gè)規(guī)則存在。 If children have an alternative plan, be open to trying their ideas for a certain period of time.如果孩子有一個(gè)替代方案，嘗試開放自己的想法一定的時(shí)間期限一。 Have an understanding that you will all meet to discuss it again and decide which way worked best.有一個(gè)理解是，你都會(huì)再次舉行會(huì)議，討論并決定哪種方式效果最好。 This is a valuable learning experience.這是一個(gè)寶貴的學(xué)習(xí)經(jīng)驗(yàn)。 Never say, "I told you so," if you go back to the original rule.千萬不要說，“我告訴你，”如果你回到原來的規(guī)則。

"In my day" is OK once in a while, but be careful not to overdo it. “在我的一天”是確定在一段時(shí)間后，但要小心，不要過度。 Most kids enjoy stories.大多數(shù)孩子喜歡的故事。 What they don't enjoy is a lecture!他們不喜歡的是演講！

Being a mind reader作為一個(gè)讀心術(shù)

Too often communication with family members doesn't go far enough.往往與家庭成員的溝通還遠(yuǎn)遠(yuǎn)不夠。 You may have agreed there is a certain job to do and that you are the one who will do it, but you have not agreed on -- or maybe even talked about -- when the job will be done.您可能已同意有一定的工作要做，你是一個(gè)誰做，但你沒有同意-或者甚至提到-當(dāng)工作將完成。 If Mom thinks her son is going to do a chore right away and he thinks he's going to do it after the baseball game -- or next week -- then they have different expectations.如果媽媽認(rèn)為她的兒子就要馬上做家務(wù)，他認(rèn)為他要做的棒球比賽后 - 或者下周 - 那么他們有不同的期望。 Try to settle on a time when the job will be done.嘗試解決一個(gè)時(shí)間作業(yè)時(shí)，將得到伸張。 This type of incomplete communication, in which expectations are not clearly spelled out, is very confusing and leads to problems.這種不完整的通信類型，在這種期望是沒有清楚列明的，是很混亂，導(dǎo)致問題。

Getting upset and angry心煩意亂和憤怒

How individuals express anger or disagreement has great impact on family communication.個(gè)人如何表達(dá)憤怒和對(duì)家庭的溝通分歧很大的影響。

It's easy to let off steam after something negative has happened, and some people believe it's good for your mental health to do this.這很容易讓一些消極的宣泄發(fā)生后，一些人認(rèn)為正是這種良好的做你的精神健康。 It may, in fact, make you feel better for the moment, but you may say something you'll regret.它可能，事實(shí)上，讓你感覺更好的時(shí)刻，但你可能會(huì)說一些你會(huì)后悔。

It is how you express anger -- not whether you express it -- that is important.這是你如何表達(dá)憤怒 - 不是你表達(dá)出來 - 這是重要的。 Ideally, you want to stay in control of yourself even though you are angry.理想的情況下，你想給自己留在控制，即使你很生氣。 After all, you are the grown-up, and you are modeling behavior you want your children (or your spouse) to copy.畢竟，你是成年人了，你的行為進(jìn)行建模，你希望你的孩子（或您的配偶）的副本。

To avoid harsh words and confrontation, try calming yourself with anything that works for you -- like counting to 10 or saying to yourself, "Life is short; I'm not going to let myself get upset about this."為避免惡劣的話，對(duì)抗，試圖平息你自己干任何工程-像數(shù)到10或?qū)ψ约赫f：“生命是短暫的，我不會(huì)讓自己生氣。對(duì)此我”

You might want to say to a child or to another adult, "I'm angry now. I can't talk about it. We'll talk about it as soon as I calm down," or "Let's each go to our own rooms to think about it and we'll talk soon."你可能要告訴孩子或其他成人，“我現(xiàn)在很生氣。我無法談?wù)撍?。我們將談?wù)撍?，只要我冷靜下來”，或者“讓每一個(gè)到我們自己房間去想它，我們將討論吧?！?/span>

Separating yourself from the situation or the person is often an effective strategy to pave the way for a discussion when everyone is calmed down.自己從人分離的情況或常常是一個(gè)有效的戰(zhàn)略，走出一條討論的方式，因?yàn)楫?dāng)每個(gè)人都平靜下來。

Talk less and listen more少說多聽

Adults find it hard to listen to one another.成人很難聽對(duì)方。 We are often so busy thinking of what we're going to say next that we don't listen to what someone is saying to us.我們經(jīng)常忙得我們想做什么，我們要接著說，我們不聽別人在講什么的。

We do this with our families also, anticipating what spouses or children are going to say and interrupting them or reacting to what they are saying before they say it.我們這個(gè)家庭，我們也期待什么配偶或孩子們將他們的發(fā)言權(quán)和中斷或反應(yīng)到他們?cè)谡f什么，才說出來。 It's even harder with very young children who take a long time to put their thoughts into words.這是什字加倍努力，以非常小的孩子誰需要很長(zhǎng)的時(shí)間來把自己的想法成。 Our impulse is to hurry them along, finish sentences for them or put words into their mouths.我們的沖動(dòng)，是匆忙他們相處，為他們完成句子或放入口中的話。

We not only need to listen to children and adults but we need to acknowledge that we have heard and understood what they said.我們不僅要聽兒童和成年人，但我們必須承認(rèn)，我們已經(jīng)聽到并理解他們說什么。 This often includes thoughts that are not totally expressed by words alone.這通常包括未完全用語言表達(dá)的思想孤獨(dú)。 Body language and facial expressions also send messages.肢體語言和面部表情也發(fā)送郵件。

When to talk當(dāng)交談

Each family has some times that seem more open to communication than others.每個(gè)家庭有一定的時(shí)間，似乎比別人更開放的溝通。

Bedtime -- when children are settled into bed and not before -- is probably the most comfortable time for cozy chats.睡前-當(dāng)孩子們上床睡覺，而不是解決之前-可能是最舒適安逸的聊天時(shí)間。 Children are more relaxed and don't mind putting off sleep to talk.兒童更輕松，不介意推遲睡眠說話。

When children reach school age and beyond, they are not always so open about telling you what's on their minds.當(dāng)孩子達(dá)到入學(xué)年齡和超越，他們并不總是這么告訴你開什么關(guān)于思想對(duì)他們的。 You need to hang out with them for a while before they'll tell you something that is really bothering them.你需要掛出了一段時(shí)間與他們前，他們會(huì)告訴你一些實(shí)在是困擾他們。

Even the busiest parent should try to find time to just be with a school-age or adolescent child.即使是最繁忙的家長(zhǎng)應(yīng)盡量抽空只是一個(gè)適齡兒童或青少年。 It doesn't have to be a specially scheduled occasion.它沒有成為一個(gè)特別安排的場(chǎng)合。 Doing chores together can be an opportunity for a good relaxed interaction -- as long as there's no interfering static about how well a job is being done.做家務(wù)可到一個(gè)互動(dòng)的機(jī)會(huì)有一個(gè)良好的寬松-只要有任何干擾靜態(tài)大約有多么出色的工作正在做。

A Final Note最后一點(diǎn)

It's always easy to tell each other what's wrong and what someone else needs to do to improve.它總是很容易地告訴對(duì)方出了什么問題，什么別人需要做的改進(jìn)。 But it's critical for family members to share the positive.但關(guān)鍵家庭成員分享積極的一面。 Parents must set a positive example.家長(zhǎng)必須樹立積極的榜樣。 One parent educator calls this "catching them at being good!"一位家長(zhǎng)教育工作者稱此為“正趕上好于他們！” For example, you might say:例如，你可能會(huì)說：

• Thanks for getting your chores done on time this week.獲取你的工作按時(shí)完成感謝這個(gè)星期。
• I really appreciate it when you read to your little brother.我真的很感激它時(shí)，你讀給你的小兄弟。
• I noticed you filled the car with gas after you used it Sunday.我注意到你充滿了氣的汽車后，你用它星期天。 That was great because I could go to work Monday morning and not have to take time to get gas.這是偉大的，因?yàn)槲铱梢灾芤辉缟先ド习啵槐鼗〞r(shí)間去得氣。

It's so easy for parents to dwell on the negative.就是這么簡(jiǎn)單，父母住在消極。 Family meetings are a time to reinforce positive behaviors and teach positive skills for living with others.家庭會(huì)議是一次積極加強(qiáng)與其他人的行為和教導(dǎo)積極生活技能。

Most families experience a little frustration in starting new ideas.大多數(shù)家庭的經(jīng)驗(yàn)，開始新的想法有點(diǎn)沮喪。 If you have questions or problems, call the Parent Line at 1-800-258-0808 or 237-7923 in Fargo.如果您有任何疑問或問題，請(qǐng)致電237-7923家長(zhǎng)在法戈線或1-800-258-0808。 Don't let barriers get in the way of the end result -- healthy and positive family communication.不要讓障礙擋在最終結(jié)果的方式 - 健康，積極的家庭溝通。

Reference參考

Work and Family Life Newsletter, Vol.工作和家庭生活通訊，卷。 5, No. 4, April 1991 5，第4期，1991年4月